The Language of Love

Much of the evangelism style we have used in the past is confrontational. It was sometimes contentious, not conversational. Those two approaches differ in both tone and tactics. Past evangelism addressed the ‘sinner’ from across a line, differentiating the evangelist, the Christian, from the one needing to be evangelized. This saint-sinner dynamic was prideful and often condescending. It emphasized the contrast between the saved and the lost, right and wrong, sin and righteousness, law and grace. The result was too often a dialogue that degenerated into a disagreement, and sometimes an open and not so civil debate.

The liberal church, in contrast to this approach, made evangelism about “love, acceptance and forgiveness.” But they did so without regard to truth – the counterbalance to love, and accountability – the counterbalance to acceptance, or true reconciliation which is the intended goal of forgiveness.

There is a middle way. It is the way of conversational evangelism. It crosses the line to identify with the other. It is humble in disposition. It is not foremostly propositional. It listens more than it talks. It tries to understand the other, to empathize, to feel the pain that sin has caused. It is a slower, a more relational approach. It refuses to win an argument and lose the soul. It is not concerned about getting a quick decision, another notch on the evangelical gospel gun. It is concerned about the redemption of a life.

It asks to be invited into the story of the other. This coming alongside the other is relational, transformational evangelism. It is love and truth together, with love leading the way. It is acceptance, with both arms wide open, before it speaks of accountability. It is forgiveness – the 70 times 7 kind (Mt. 18:22). It is forgiveness that hopes for full reconciliation. The third party in the conversation is the Holy Spirit. He is also witnessing to the heart-broke friend. We witness from alongside them, but the Holy Spirit witnesses from inside their heart. We are partners with the Holy Spirit – and we should see ourselves as the junior partner in this process.

Joe Aldrich said, “A person listens because he’s been loved.”38 Love opens the door to truth. It builds the bridge from one person to another to support the heavy blocks of truth needed for transformation. Love arouses a sense of God’s presence, and that changes everything. The effective proclamation of the good news must happen in the presence of God, from a witness that shows evidence of transformation. The clearest indication of God’s presence is a spiritually quickened sense of His love.

Let’s diffuse some myths.

To evangelize today, you don’t have to memorize a hundred verses of scripture and have a Bible College degree. What you know is less important than who you know. You know Christ and knowing him will be evident by His presence. Second, relationship matters. Personal evangelism is personal. You know both Jesus and the person you are trying to reach for Christ. If not, stop and build a relationship. Hear their story. Listen more than talk.

The new evangelism is not a one-shot deal. In the past, we evangelized, and then discipled, often handing off the person to the institution, the church, or to a discipleship program. Not now. You may have to disciple the person to evangelism – answering a ton of objections, making the relationship more important than the quick decision. You have to build a bridge of love. Somewhere along the line, the one struggling to believe will hear the music. God will speak to them. Their heart will open to the gospel. Your role is not to push, not to induce the birth, but to wait, and let it happen in God’s time.

Paul called the Colossian church to be his intercessory prayer partners. They were asked to pray open a closed door. Note, Paul knew speaking though, preaching at a closed door was ineffective. God, through our prayers, and those of our prayer partners, opens the doors of hearts, indeed, of cities and nations. And preaching, witnessing, to open hearts changes everything.

But then, notice. Paul does not assume that a memorized presentation of the gospel is adequate. He asked for prayer to share the right thing (content) in the right way (attitude, disposition, relational) and at the right time (context). Here is hypersensitivity to the person, the audience, and to the Holy Spirit. Only about 7 percent of communication is verbal. Tone of voice is more important than content, valued at 37 percent. We need love in our voice, music in our message. A whopping 55 percent is perceived attitude and disposition, completely non-verbal. It is Christ in us; it is how we carry ourselves.

Then Paul, as if changing the subject, speaks of our walk, our behavior, before the unbeliever, the one outside a saving relationship with Christ. We are to walk in wisdom, reverencing God. “Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time” (Col. 4:5). Wisdom, in Proverbs and Ecclesiastes, is a code word for the work of the Holy Spirit. Here, it is a metaphor for the role of the Holy Spirit in the evangelism process. “Redeeming the time,” refers to our sensitivity, by the wisdom of God, to be able to seize the kairos moment. Just the right time when there is an openness to the gospel. Notice the level of sensitivity in this evangelism style. We are walking out our faith, being exemplary. We are using wisdom in the relationship, with a heightened sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. We are looking for just the right window of time, to sow our gospel seed. This is not indiscriminate ambush evangelism. It is deeply relational.

Paul then urges us to “speak with grace, seasoned with salt, and ready to answer” (Col. 4:6). Pardon the bluntness, but ‘turn or burn’ is not gracious speech. Some of our evangelism has been toxic, caustic. Paul urges gracious speech. Kindness. No argumentation. No talking over the other. No superior-to-inferior tone. Grace.

And then he urges a strange thing, that our “speech be seasoned with salt.” What does that mean? It appears that Paul is referring to the ancient ‘salt covenant.’ This was a covenant of friendship at a shared table, a time of breaking bread with the other. Ancient folk saw meal sharing as sacred. The Arabs would say, “We have tasted salt together, we must now be friends.” And on the other hand, “There is no longer salt in his belly, he is a traitor to the salt.”

When Da Vinci painted the last supper, he placed an overturned saltshaker in front of Judas, he was, in the coded language of Da Vinci, a traitor to the salt. The salt covenant reaches across the line, even to enemies, and breaks bread with them, establishing a means of communication, restoring civility, aiming at peacemaking, keeping the relational door open.

The most powerful position in evangelism is not a telling position, but a listening position. Notice Colossians. We pray a closed door open. We walk in wisdom, exemplifying Christ, being careful to do gospel engagement at the right time, in the right way, with the right words. Our speech is always with grace. We keep renewing the ‘salt covenant,’ breaking bread to strengthen the relationship. Across the table, our friend begins to ask questions. That is the open door for which we have been praying.

Aldrich said, the inductive method of evangelism, builds a relational bridge. It discovers needs that can only be met by God and the good news. It listens. It pays attention to pain. It applies grace to the need – pointing out the sufficiency of Christ in plain language. His love. His care. His transforming power. And yes, the call to change, to follow Him. It offers the opportunity for the individual to invite God, in Christ, into their lives – not simply to fix a problem, but to change them personally. It continues to walk with the person to help them understand the decision they made and its implications.
You must begin where people are – in depression, on drugs, in rebellion, denial, anger, dealing with a wound. Some conversions will be miraculous. You will see supernatural change. Most will be a process with starts and stops. Faith may surge, followed by doubt. There will be progress and relapses. Through it all, it is the relationship that matters. It is the bridge of love that needs to be protected.

Don’t be overwhelmed. The relational approach is natural. The driver in the relationship is love. It is letting God love another person through you. It takes the fear out of evangelism. Evangelism in the past focused on you talking and saying the right words. Remembering the scriptures and quoting them correctly. This approach to evangelism majors on you listening. Hearing their story and genuinely caring. Then telling your story, right up to your encounter with Jesus that changed your life. Then, at the right time, telling his story. It’s simple.