Relational Evangelism

Barbara and I have five children, four girls and a son. We lost one child in a miscarriage. We have twenty wonderful grandchildren. When our children began to have children, it was delightful. Grandchildren!

But time flies, and suddenly our grandchildren began to have children. I was horrified. It was not the same. Our grandchildren were having babies. “They are too young to have babies. The babies are not safe with them. They are still children themselves.” Yesterday, they were brats, and today, they are bringing up children. Unthinkable. What was God thinking?

In the church, our most productive group is new converts. They are deeply and freshly in love with the Lord. They have friends who they can lead to Christ, friends who witnessed the dramatic change in them. We too often conclude that they are not mature enough to care for these newborns. We offer them institutional discipleship and make it a class at church. We encourage a break with their unsaved friends – and demand more Bible knowledge before they witness. This is a mistake.

It is in their sharing of faith that their faith is confirmed. It is in their parenting, winning others to Christ, that they grow, with the support of a larger Christian family around them. They run into questions, and need answers, and in searching for them and getting them at times from spiritual mentors, they mature. It is in this middle that they grow into stable believers. The very middle from which the institutional approach excuses them.

Contrary to the traditional idea, effective evangelism does not depend on lots of Biblical knowledge or as we have noted earlier, memorized scriptures or a script. Here are five principles regarding relational evangelism. First, what you know is not as important as what you are – a believer, a follower of Jesus Christ. Second, the most effective evangelism takes place in insider relationships – between friends, not strangers. It begins with people with real names. Third, it does not utilize only the gift of evangelism. The person with the gift of helps might win someone to the Lord, and the one with the gift of mercy might also lead someone to know a loving God. The gift of evangelism flourishes in the context of the full range of giftedness – all focused on the lost. Adrich notes that the gift of hospitality has explosive potential in evangelism.

Fourth, the incarnational/relational approach is effective because it is so natural. It allows the Holy Spirit to do all the heavy lifting. It is low pressure and long range, and we are not to be in a hurry. It plants seeds, waters them, and waits. Fifth, the relationship creates the context for sharing, for discipling, for ongoing encouragement. The content of the gospel makes sense, its meaning comes alive, when it is unwrapped in a context where the gospel is already being lived. The words have more impact, meaning, when the music is already playing.

To share the gospel with no gospel evidence is baffling. But to share the gospel where love is being demonstrated and grace is on the table, the unbeliever not only hears the gospel, but they also see it, smell it, and taste it. The relational approach is not only the launching pad for gospel engagement; it is also the support system for discipleship. Once the individual makes the decision and commits to follow Christ, and experiences transforming grace, they infect their oikos, their web of unsaved friends, and now, multiplication takes place.

Here in a nutshell is the process. You create space, a sense of openness and sincere interest that allows the other party to share their story with you. That’s step one. Make sure you defer to them. In the next meeting, they may have more to tell you after reflection. You wait for the opportunity to ask them if you can share your story with them. When appropriate you do that. Your story introduces Christ – it has to. It is the most important chapter in your life. Now, you want to tell ‘His’ story – and that includes the principles of salvation.

• STAGE ONE: Ask the question, “Where are you in your spiritual pilgrimage?”
CAUTION: You should have spent enough time with them that they know that you are a Christian and that you care about them. This cannot be a cold question. It must be warm and inviting.

• STAGE TWO: They respond positively and tell you THEIR story – or at least part of it. You WAIT. They may need time to process their openness to you, their vulnerability. They need to continue to feel safe and be in charge of the disclosure.

• STAGE THREE: When appropriate, you ask for permission to share YOUR story. That story will include your encounter with Christ, but it will not be the gospel presentation itself. “Bill, I loved hearing your story. Thanks for sharing it.” Pause – wait for a response, anything they might want to add. Don’t rush – this is a major flaw in the failed evangelism model we have been using. When appropriate, you continue, “At some point, I would love to tell you a bit about my journey – maybe the next time we are together.” Leave it there! Don’t force the issue. Too much ground in one session, and you miss the gold under your feet. You don’t want to force your story on them; you want them to welcome your telling it.

• STAGE FOUR: What you hope for is, that ‘Bill’ will say to you the next time you meet together, “You were going to tell me about your life, background and a bit of your journey!” And with that open door, you share your story – highlighting your conversion. Again, don’t press, at this point, for a conversion. Give them a chance to process your story and ask any questions they might have or make any comments they choose. You can say, “I told you my story, but there are some principles that helped me change and begin my journey with God. At some point I would love to share those principles with you.” You need them to want to hear those principles.
CAUTION: We make a mistake by pressing for a quick decision, by not giving them time to decide, “I want to hear more!” Or by putting them in a position where they say, “Let’s not talk about this anymore.” We don’t allow the Holy Spirit to quietly work in their life. Further, for them to want to hear the ‘principles’ from us, they need to have some admiration for us and the life we live.

• STAGE FIVE: “Hey, you were going to share some principles about how your life changed?”
CAUTION: If, they do not, after a reasonable time, take the initiative, gently repeat the offer, “If you are open, I would love to finish the conversation we were having earlier about our spiritual journeys. I think I have some principles that might help you process where you are – they sure were a blessing to me.” Meanwhile, there may be life issues that occur in which you can offer prayer and support. And you may have presenting life challenges that allow your friend to see you up close and personal. Both of those may trigger the next step.

It’s simple:
• You open the spiritual conversation.
• They tell their story.
• You affirm them, thank them, and ask permission to tell your story.
• You tell your story.
• You tell his story.

Stage One
Aldrich advises, when you sense an openness in your friend, you might test the water. “Bill, we have never had a chance to talk about your religious background. At what point are you in your own spiritual pilgrimage?” The question is not, “Are you a Christian?” Rather, it is a general question, not meant to corner the individual or make them uncomfortable. It is an open question. It can easily be avoided, or it could begin a meaningful dialogue that launches a process, a journey toward discovery.

Stage two
Once you ask that initial pilgrimage question, you may get silence or an immediate flood of ideas and opinions, glimpses into the life of your friend. They may share their story in stops and starts, in pieces. Chances are, they have never reviewed their life in this manner before. If they share, even glimpses into their private life, their heart, you have had a positive session. Don’t break down the bridge. Don’t force the salvation issue. Thank them for sharing their story with you. Pray with them, or for them, if appropriate.

Stage three
When you are together again, affirm them. Show genuine interest. You might ask, “How is that relationship with your daughter?” – you don’t want to pry. But you want to indicate an openness to hear their continuing story. Too few people have friends who are willing to listen nonjudgmentally. So, they find ways to medicate their pain – with a hobby, by drinking, using drugs, or by angry episodes or depression episodes. “How is that situation we talked about last time, any better?” Focus on them, their openness to and their need for God. Be genuine. Go slow. Be natural. Say at the end, “Sometime, if you are open, I would like to share with you how my life was so radically changed.” Or “How I beat alcoholism.” Or “How my marriage was saved.” Or “How we won back the heart of our daughter.” Let the offer simmer. They may have just unpacked a ton of emotional baggage, stuff they do not regularly process themselves. Give them some time. You don’t want to press too hard – forcing a flower open only ruins it. Let the Holy Spirit work. You know that your story, in some ways, parallels the pain of your friend and introduces Christ as a living solution. Your story should not be a deep dive into your sinful past – after all, you are telling it for the benefit of your friend, to find point of resonation with his life. It’s less about you and more about Christ and his love for your friend.

Stage Four
Tell your story. Then offer prayer. Leave it there. You might say, “Bill, exploring Christ by inviting him into your life is the only way to really discover who God is. Maybe the next step God has is to help you understand how to establish that personal, saving relationship, how to invite Christ into your heart. It is really a matter of responding to his love.” Again, you let the comment simmer. That’s courteous. It’s gentle, but it is also direct. If you sense resistance, don’t press. Here is another way to make the offer. “Bill, underneath my story are some ‘good news’ principles. Those principles changed my life, and I think they would be helpful to you. Whenever you are at the point where you would allow me to share, let me know.” You leave it there, empowering them to open the door and do ‘the ask.’ You might get a brush off or a vague response. If on the other hand, you sense openness, say, “Next time we get together, I would love to share some simple principles that changed my life. They might help you understand what it means to have a deep personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ.” You have gently dropped the idea of a further discussion, multiple times, and your desire to share principles with them. Just your presence, your being with them, along with the work of the Holy Spirit, is a reminder. If there is no open door for you to share next time you are together, don’t push. Give them time and space. You want them to ask you, “When are you going to share those principles you keep talking about with me?” Then you will know that open heart. You don’t want them to burn the bridge because they anticipate a gospel assault each time you are together. Before you move on, read Acts 26:1-23. This is the account of Paul before King Agrippa, telling his story.
• In verses 4-11, Paul summarizes his life before he met Christ. “My manner of life from my youth,” he begins (26:4).
• Then in verses 12-18, he talks about his conversion experience. “At midday… I saw a light… brighter than the sun!” (v. 13).
• In verses 19-23, he talks about his post-conversion life, “I was not disobedient to the heavenly vision… [I] declared [the gospel.]” in Damascus and Jerusalem, in Judea and to the Gentiles, “the Jews seized me… [and I] having obtained help from God, to this day I stand witnessing to small and great…” (vv. 19-22).

This a three-point outline: 1) What your life was like before you received Christ; 2) How God spoke to you and opened your eyes to spiritual truth; 3) How your life has changed since being forgiven and following Christ.

Stage Five
Once you have shared your story, the most important story is God’s story, the story of Christ. “Bill, do you think you are at the point where you might consider opening your heart to Christ and beginning a journey of discovery with him?” You have listened to their story, and you have shared your story. And you have kept caring and loving and connecting, and not assuming a readiness on their part to jump into baptismal waters. You have tried to be sensitive and to follow the lead of the Holy Spirit. You have allowed them to set the pace without dropping your concern for their spiritual life. Now they are open. What do you say?

The Four Spiritual laws are a basic model for sharing faith. They begin with the love of God, “God loves you and He has a wonderful plan for your life.” But there is a problem, “Sin separates us from a holy God.” There is also a solution, “Christ came to seek and save, and his death is counted for us as redemption. He is our bridge back to God.” Finally, action is required. “You must receive Christ as your Savior, inviting him into your life! And then you will experience his love and begin your journey of following him.”

Here are some additional models of evangelism: Here is a quick overview of some gospel narratives: The Four Spiritual Laws
– God loves you (John 3:16; 10:10), and He has a plan for your life. GOD’S LOVE.
– As flawed humans (that includes you and me), our sin has separated us from a holy God. (Romans 3:23; 6:23). OUR SIN.
– Jesus Christ is God’s only provision for our sin. (Ro-mans 5:8; 1 Corinthians 15:3 – 6; John 14:6). There is no other way of salvation. JESUS – OUR PROVI-SION.
– We must individually, each of us, personally, pray, be-lieve, and them receive, welcome Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord (John 1:12; 3:1 – 8; Ephesians 2:8 – 9; Reve-lation 3:20). OUR PRAYER – BELIEVING AND RECEIVING.

Steps To peace with God (Billy Graham Method)
– Gods Plan – Peace and life (God loves you and wants you to experience His peace and life. The Bible says, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him should not per-ish but have eternal life” (John 3:16)
– Our Problem – Separation (Being at peace with God is not automatic. God gave us free will to choose and we chose to disobey him. This is what separates us from God).
– God’s Remedy – The Cross: Jesus Died on the cross and rose again. Paying the penalty for our sins, Jesus bridged the gap between us and God.
– Our Response – Receive Christ: We must trust and receive Christ as our Lord and Savior (John 1:12).

The roman road
– Romans 3:23 – “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”
– Romans 6:23 – “For the wages of sin is death but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
– Romans 5:8 – “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we still sinners Christ died for us.”
– Romans 10:9 – “If you declare with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
– Romans 10:13 – “For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

The G.O.S.P.E.L. Journey
– God created us to be with Him (Genesis 1-2).
– Our sins separate us from Him (Genesis 3).
– Sins Cannot be Removed by good deeds (Isaiah 64:6).
– Paying the price for sin, Jesus died and rose again (John 19:30).
– Everyone who trusts in him alone has eternal life (1 John 5:11-13).
– Life with Jesus starts now and lasts forever (John 10:10).

The 5 Finger method
Here are five key components of the Gospel.
– Jesus’ virgin birth
– Jesus’ sinless life
– Jesus’ atoning death
– Jesus’ literal resurrection
– Jesus’ ascension and present enthronement

Testimony Gospel method
As you develop relationships, people should notice differences in your life – your speech, your manner, graciousness, and more. It is not uncommon for some people to ask about your life choices. “Why don’t you ever go out with us to get a drink? … Is the book on your desk a Bible? … I don’t understand why you are not upset – I am blistering mad about what just happened… Hey, we are doing a Sunday barbecue, I would really like for you to come.”

Always respond with grace. With a smile. Find a way to answer the question or respond to the invitation in a non-condemning manner. You neither want to be condescending and holier-than-thou. Nor can you condone behaviors about which you have convictions. “Sometime I would really like to talk with you about that if your question is sincere, and you really want to know. Could we do that? Are you sincerely asking me?”

Keep the deep, nurturing the relationship until you sense an openness and a readiness to listen. However, it may not be best to jump into the end of the pool. You might want to go back to STAGE ONE. “You asked me a question, but before I answer it, could I ask you something first?” If the answer is yes, ask them the spiritual pilgrimage question. “Tell me where you are in your spiritual journey.”

Allow an opportunity for them to share their story. Listening is a quicker way to build a relational bridge than talking or telling. You have demonstrated an interest in them and have invested time in hearing their story. They will be more open to your story, and the answers to the questions they asked you. You want to keep these exchanges discreet and for the most part private. However, someone may hear the fellow worker ask you why you don’t drink or swear or lose your temper. And they may say to you, “I’d like to hear the answer to that question too!”